Posting about a recent "drama." Hoping to put it here and see if any wiser soul has more insight.
I'm curious to know if other couples have this happen in their relationships.
My DH, darling as he is, was put on this earth to diagnose and treat illness. I have seen him in action. He's good- smart, instinctive and practical. I have watched him save many lives.
I am/was an RN. I was several years in critical-care and geriatrics.
We should both recognize when a medical crisis hits.
One night I was up with pain, pain, pain. I was very verbal and direct about the location, quality and intensity of the pain, pain, pain.
DH was non-reactive. I paced, yelled, restated my case about the pain, pain, pain. DH emptied the dishwasher and kept me company.
This went on about 3 hours.
Finally, I insisted on the ER. We went and sure enough- valid concern for the pain, pain, pain.
DH was very sorry.
What happened here? I trust him to help when helping must come. Apparently, the doctor brain shuts off when the husband brain turns on.
We have talked this through. But oh, I will carry medication always from now on.
By the way, I am fine. It was a kidney stone. Many others have worse tales to tell.
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2 comments:
Yeah, that is exactly why physicians are NOT supposed to treat their families. It is the disconnect of attaching past history to current complaint in too close a setting. Those may be the moments where you are called upon to trust yourself and say what you need.
I too have fallen prey to the "the love of my life is a physician. Surely, if something is really wrong she will say to go in and get it checked out" Yeah, not so much
I think it is partly that they need a space to not be doctor. Another part is that they are way too close to us to be rational and either over/ under react but never appropriately react. Part of it could also be that ever present "Well, Mary Fran is a highly skilled, competent and compassionate medical professional, if she really felt that she needed to go the ED she would tell me so directly."
Bottom line is never really on a spouse/partner for that stuff. Trust yourself and 99% of the time they will say "I'll grab the car sweetheart" when we tell them we need to go in.
Feel free to become a member of the "Trophy Wives Club". I started it for residency SO's and this is a great topic for our first meeting.
Much love,
Kathleen
I'm thinking about the old proverb: The shoemaker's wife goes barefoot. That you're a medical couple raises the marital bar -- DH shoulda jumped to a bit quicker.
But I'm sure you have that sweet, genuine holier than thou working for you now. I think DH will pay better attention in future!
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